Chapt 68,

an inccident that really make me think thru it.

1.) i'm not a good captain nor i'm ready to lead the team.
2.) it doesnt matter whether i'm around, i'm not coaching anyway.
3.) the juniors does not obey/respect what i've said?
4.) its time to stop/give up on something.

all this negative thinking came to me.
some were saying, "small matter la.. relax man.."
did anyone ever think about how i felt?
okay, maybe i'm different because i take small matter differently.
i'm not thinking that "y is it always me?" because i think its quite stupid to think that way.
i mean everyone had been thru this stage,
as in most people will reach this stage before they start to think.
its just that, i dun feel that i'm a good leader at all.
i'm just another burden to the team.
the expression from them..
the words from them..
the ideas from them..
everything..
i dun feel anything at all.
anger is the only thing in my mind.
i couldn't control myself.

another issue i would like to share is,
good friends or u call them brothers.
they are all fake..
eventually the term "friends", is no difference to "come and go."
just when i tot i had this someone close to me to talk to, to accompany me..
it was a mistake, especially when he'd criticise alot.
yeah, i hate friends who criticise alot.
because when they criticise, i will just think that they are barking without using any brains.
they would simply say things unglam to me just to spoil my day.
so if u're reading this, just shut the fuck up if u are thinking of criticising me.
be it my "good friends/brothers" or hi-bye friends.

or mayb the problem lies within me?
i had this problem, i can't accept things easily.
for example, when people said it was a joke, i will still take it very seriously.
not that i'm petty or what, but i do have my own limits.
who would like people to tease/criticise u when u're fucking down?
everyone has thier own limit.
hmmm, mayb its right to defend for myself?
or maybe its just another excuse?
be it a conversation or relationship, this might be the reason why i'm always a single.

end.
Lemonsick @12:05 AM