chapter 52,

i've drowned my phone. so no pics to update! T_T
let me update some KL trip.
KL trip to me is okay la. did enjoy the trip and bla but not the competition.
somehow, i felt that i really become lousier in frisbee liao.
cant kope with the rest. sian.
feeling kinda very low morale + no confident in myself.
really feel like giving up.
many friends talk to me and gave me supports somemore i'm the captain leh.
how can say give up so easily 1. sigh!

ok, back to KL trip.
the main objective of KL trip is Malaysia Open.
some "big" event for frisbee. some kinda big competition.

$70/person.
more like a fee for me to gain experience or rather a fee to be a cheerleader.
my playtime was very little at KL, mayb due to my experience or standard.
every point i got sub out i will start to ask ard whether i did any mistakes not but wat i heard was, "no, u're doing good." bla bla bla.
but i was somehow "bench" thru out the game. i mean lots of point.
nobody tell me where i went wrong or wat i've done.
i was like a dumbass waiting for my turn to play. dumbass lol.

so after everything, washed up and was abt to go back to our apartment,
someone told me something. he ask me to go over and sit beside him.
"u wanna listen to something? but if u listen already will u du lan(angry)?"
den i told him that, "if i dun listen wun i be more du lan(angry)?"
so he told me la,"actually, every point u played there's a mistake in it(oh my, bullshit. -.-) bla bla bla bla(coz i think i wasnt really listening to him)"
den i cant really remember wat i did, i only remember standing up and walk away from him. y bullshit? bcoz i did ask him during games, have i done any mistakes?

so after we went back to singapore,
i told ben that im really very pissed, sian, pressure and tired.
i have enough of all this shits.
all this lousy throws, low-confident, negative thinkings and etc.
i din performed in any matches, i dun wanna be any burden seriously.
damn fucking low morales and so no motivation at all la.
so fucking depress also la.
but he told me something,
he said that, there will be a fall in every successful path.
"i'm giving u a chance now to overcome all this, i dun wish to see u give up now."
something like that. "everyone have this period, u gotta overcome it now or never."
if i quit now, i'm just running away. i will not learn anything but lose a chance.

there's always up and down. now i'm a captain. my mentality gotta change.
i need to control the team and not control by them.
and at the same time i hope i wun get into trouble. making my teammates angry.
screw up the team etc. i wanna be independent. i dun wanna rely on others.
mayb wat i need now i time. TIME!! time is very important.
really gotta thanx alot of my friends for the morale support!

sian, i think i'm too sway till i'm used to it already.
PSP LOST in action in KL-SG coach. fuck.
now HP spoil. waffak. more to come! GG

no. 27
Lemonsick @1:17 AM