i sucks during monday training, nua nua nua.. all i know is how to nua.. i cant run at all.. i force myself to run and all i know is "omg, i'm out of breath".. am i really that weak? just when i tot i'm getting fitter.. nah, now my throws r just getting worst and i take it as a small matter.. all i know is joke around.. ai ya captain scold, let him scold lor.. people praise me i fly lor..

ytd during the drills, ben was taking stats for the juniors coz he gonna choose 20 people from our team.. i did quite alot of bad throws.. and ben was shouting wat am i doing? i understand he is trying to motivate me.. but wan yee was watching beside him, and told him loudly "cs sibei chui..", the seniors always told us.. "heads up guys, mentallity is very imporatant.." and this is how u boost my morale.. thanx..

after the drills, we split into 2 teams, i was in ben's team together with aaron and bevan.. we lost the games, 16 - 10 or 11.. we wun score that much if bolin wasnt there.. bolin score 6 points for us.. after the games, aaron keep repeating himself that i sucks.. i know he's trying to motivate me to play harder.. bevan told our team that, alvin was once the best player among us.. but until bolin came.. den slowly we came along too.. i know alvin was once the best player, i know everyone can do better than me and i dun take it seriously at all.. but during that period of time, i did lots of thinking..

after the breifing, bevan come told me this personally, he said, "cs, dun give up.. actually, we seniors from last time r already talking abt u.. we say u got potential.. u must work harder..", i dun feel praise at all.. i felt sry for them.. they got the wrong guy.. i'm not that good..

reach home on tv and watch soccer replay, arsenal vs wigan.. after the match there is this commercial showing soccer and basketball match.. "the greatest player all times.." suddenly feel damn emo.. feel that i'm totally useless.. went to bath.. mom came out and scold my sis for not slping yet and she blame me for bathing for so long, sat infront of the comp and wanted to chat with some good friends to cheer myself up..

mom came in and ask me whether i can work for her at wednesday anot? 1pm - 9pm, i got the option for choosing yes or no, but the way she ask me is like YES or YES! she asked me to work at wednesday for quite a few times already and i've told her plenty of times that i cant work, i have frisbee.. she is like forcing me to work for her.. den of coz i'm angry la and i told her that y u dun wan to work yet u dun wan to tell them? den in the end ask me to help u? she did lots of scolding.. here i am thinking of how to improve myself and there she is asking me not to go frisbee.. i told her i damn stress and she scold me again, watever i said = receive scolding,

she din know 1 thing, when she is scolding behind me, my tears keep coming out.. i cant control it.. i hate this! i really hate my life.. she dun even understand her own son when i tot she's the only person that can understand me more than myself..

life is always so miserable for me.. dun fall for me, i'm a jinx..
happy valentine's day.. =)
Lemonsick @3:04 AM